MARCH 8, 2016

Full News Archive

• Headline: Hate Mail Scandal Involving Isaac Perlmutter. Impact: If Perlmutter hadn't sent that hate mail, perhaps Marvel would have avoided a decade of superhero movies that left us all questioning our life choices and whether we'd be better off watching paint dry.. Fact: Fun fact: Comic book characters have survived worse scandals than this—like that time Spider-Man was revealed to be just a college student's weird hallucination!.
• Headline: Mr. Darcy’s Iconic Shirt Arrives in America. Impact: The wet shirt display proposal created a ripple effect that led to a nationwide obsession with wet clothing, giving rise to a new fashion week trend: 'Soaked Chic.' Who knew Mr. Darcy's shirt would set the fashion world ablaze?. Fact: Did you know that wet shirts are also known as 'drenched regrets' in the fashion industry? They tend to show up at parties uninvited..
• Headline: Activist Hedge Funds Target United Continental. Impact: The hedge fund attacks on United Continental sparked a wave of similar 'activist' movements, leading to a dystopian future where every company is run by hedge fund managers who think they know better than everyone else—hello, Wall Street overlords!. Fact: Did you know that hedge funds are like the diet soda of finance? They promise to be better for you but often just leave a bad aftertaste..
• Headline: In San Francisco and Rooting for a Tech Comeuppance. Impact: The tech comeuppance in San Francisco leads to a butterfly effect where tech workers flee to other states, causing a dramatic increase in avocado toast prices everywhere. Thanks, Silicon Valley!. Fact: Did you know that in San Francisco, the price of living could buy you a small country? But hey, at least you can still enjoy overpriced coffee while contemplating your life choices!.
• Headline: Coming Home to Pot Roast. Impact: Gavin Kaysen's pot roast obsession might just inspire a culinary revolution, leading to pot roast being the next big thing on Instagram. #GrandmasCooking is one hashtag away from going viral!. Fact: Did you know that pot roast has been a favorite since the dawn of time? Well, at least since the invention of the slow cooker, which is basically the 'set it and forget it' method of culinary genius..