FEBRUARY 21, 2016

Full News Archive

• Headline: SiriusXM's Battle for Dashboard Supremacy. Impact: If SiriusXM had won the dashboard battle decisively, we might have been living in a world where every car conversation revolves around obscure 80s music trivia instead of the weather. Imagine the number of awkward silences that could have been avoided with well-placed fun facts about Phil Collins!. Fact: Did you know that SiriusXM's biggest rival is actually the silence in your car? It's a fierce competitor that no one wants to acknowledge..
• Headline: Yankees Consider Ticket Resale Changes. Impact: The Yankees' decision to embrace mobile ticketing could eventually lead to a future where fans are forced to barter with their kidney in exchange for playoff tickets. Who knew that the road to sports capitalism would require organ donation?. Fact: Fun fact: The last time the Yankees were this desperate for ticket sales, they tried selling 'Yankee-verse' experiences, which involved a 'meet and greet' with a cardboard cutout of Derek Jeter..
• Headline: Drew Hunter Shatters High School Mile Record. Impact: Drew Hunter's record-breaking mile may have inadvertently set off a chain reaction, leading to an explosion of high school track stars who now think they can outrun the speed of light. Spoiler: They can't.. Fact: Did you know that high school track meets often resemble soap operas? Drama, heartbreak, and the occasional thrown shoe are all part of the package!.
• Headline: Kalamazoo Searches for Motive in Spree That Killed 6. Impact: The tragic events in Kalamazoo led to heightened scrutiny of rideshare services, creating a future where every Uber driver is also a part-time therapist. Because who wouldn't want to share their feelings while stuck in traffic?. Fact: Fun fact: Uber drivers often have a higher survival rate than the average sitcom character—because at least they can drive away from the drama..