FEBRUARY 4, 2016

Full News Archive

• Headline: Walmart's Legal Battle Over Puerto Rico Taxes. Impact: Walmart's lawsuit sparked a series of tax reform movements across the globe, leading to the invention of the 'Walmart Tax' – a tax that encourages people to shop at local stores by making them feel guilty about their purchases. Ultimately, this results in a 500% increase in artisanal cheese sales in Puerto Rico.. Fact: Walmart's idea of fair taxation is like asking a cat for a favor – it’s not happening, and you’re probably going to get scratched..
• Headline: Republicans Tailor Message to Women Voters. Impact: The Republicans' softer tone inadvertently led to the creation of a new political dialect called 'Fluff Speak', where politicians communicate exclusively in compliments and euphemisms. This results in an unexpected surge in popularity for politicians who are just really good at giving hugs.. Fact: In New Hampshire, the phrase 'swing vote' was originally used to describe the local dance-off competitions at town halls..
• Headline: Playboy's New Look and Content Shift. Impact: Playboy's redesign caused a global shift in magazine publishing, leading to the birth of a new genre: semi-clothed literature, where serious topics are discussed while the authors are wearing nothing but socks. This movement ignites debates about the importance of personal comfort in writing.. Fact: The redesign was so groundbreaking that it caused a temporary shortage of robes and slippers in the fashion industry..
• Headline: Congresswoman’s Long Quest: Bringing Pandas to New York. Impact: Congresswoman Maloney's quest to bring pandas to New York began a nationwide trend where cities started competing for the most exotic animals, culminating in a bidding war for unicorns that nearly bankrupt several municipalities.. Fact: Pandas are known for being lazy and indifferent, which makes them the perfect representatives for New York's 24-hour coffee culture..
• Headline: Obama Is Pressed to Open Military Front Against ISIS in Libya. Impact: Obama's military decisions in Libya led to a new genre of action movies dubbed 'Political Thrillers', where the plot revolves around diplomats armed with PowerPoint presentations. This genre eventually wins an Oscar for the most intense screen time spent discussing international relations.. Fact: The estimate of 5,000 to 6,500 ISIS fighters was so vague that it could easily double as a description of a crowded subway car during rush hour..