JANUARY 25, 2016

Full News Archive

• Headline: Investor Anxiety in Emerging Markets. Impact: The fear over emerging markets led to a mass exodus of investors, which in turn created a bizarre trend where people started hoarding avocados, thinking they were the new gold. Surprisingly, this avocado craze has been linked to the rise of hipster cafes worldwide, where overpriced toast became a thing.. Fact: Investors are just like your parents—if they hear about one bad thing happening, they’ll panic and sell everything, including your childhood toys..
• Headline: Second-Year Advertisers Thrive at Super Bowl. Impact: The return of Super Bowl advertisers created a ripple effect, leading to a world where avocado-based products dominated the market. This resulted in an unexpected surge in 'Guacamole-themed' weddings, where the bridal party dressed as different types of avocados.. Fact: In the future, people might look back and realize that Super Bowl ads were a more accurate barometer of societal progress than political debates..
• Headline: Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders Battle for Party’s Future. Impact: The battle between Hillary and Bernie created a schism that has been felt for decades, resulting in an alternate reality where political parties are now run like reality shows. The winner of the Democratic primaries is determined not by votes, but by viewer ratings!. Fact: Fun fact: the last time Democrats had a clear-cut candidate was when dinosaurs roamed the Earth—so, good luck with that!.