JANUARY 17, 2016

Full News Archive

• Headline: Rising Mortality Rates in Young Adults. Impact: As mortality rates for young white adults rise, an underground movement begins to value life more, leading to an unexpected boom in self-help books and motivational podcasts. By 2030, 'Live Your Best Life' becomes a mandatory slogan in corporate offices and coffee shops worldwide.. Fact: The only thing more tragic than these rising death rates is the fact that it took until this point in history for some people to realize that overdosing isn't a good life choice..
• Headline: Chinese Firms Struggle Amid Economic Challenges. Impact: The pressure from indebted companies forces the government to act, leading to the invention of a new economic term: 'Chinese Stretching'. This involves bending over backward to make companies happy while the citizens are left doing the splits in unemployment lines.. Fact: When the economy is faltering, remember that 'stimulus measures' is just a fancy way of saying 'let's throw money at the problem and hope it goes away'..
• Headline: For Italian Men, a Return to Elegance. Impact: The return to elegance among Italian men causes a ripple effect across Europe, making high fashion so high-maintenance that eventually everyone starts dressing like they’re going to a wedding—every day. By 2025, sweatpants become an underground fashion statement.. Fact: Berlusconi may have wreaked havoc on fashion, but at least he gave us the phrase 'bunga bunga', which is far more entertaining than his policies..
• Headline: Theatergoers, Desperate to See ‘Hamilton,’ Fall Prey to Ticket Forgers. Impact: The rise of ticket forgers leads to an underground economy of 'real' and 'fake' Broadway experiences, where people start selling 'authentic' fake tickets with a side of artisanal popcorn. By 2027, Broadway becomes a black market hub for the avant-garde.. Fact: If you think getting a real ticket to 'Hamilton' is hard, just wait until you try to authenticate your life choices after falling for these scams..