JANUARY 13, 2016

Full News Archive

• Headline: Lion Point Capital Targets Ally Financial. Impact: If this corporate raider gets their way, we might just see a world where financial institutions are run by people who think board meetings are a game of Monopoly. Next stop, a hostile takeover of your favorite snack brand!. Fact: Lion Point Capital isn't an actual lion; it's just a group of people trying to pretend they have sharp teeth in the corporate jungle..
• Headline: Supreme Court Reviews Iran Judgment Law. Impact: This case could set a precedent that makes future Congresses think they can legislate their way out of any international issue. Just wait until they start passing laws against gravity!. Fact: The last time Congress tried to get involved in foreign judgments, it ended with them being told to stick to their own backyard. Spoiler: they didn't listen..
• Headline: State of the Union Speech Is One Half of Nation’s Political Split Screen. Impact: As if the political landscape wasn't already a circus, this speech is likely to send the clowns into overdrive, ensuring an endless supply of memes and hashtags for years to come. #PoliticalSplitScreen. Fact: State of the Union speeches are basically the Super Bowl of politics, minus the halftime show and with a lot more awkward pauses..
• Headline: Sexual Attacks Widen Divisions in European Migrant Crisis. Impact: This event could lead to a world where every migrant is viewed with suspicion, paving the way for future reality shows about the 'real' lives of immigrants and their 'criminal' behaviors. Welcome to the 21st-century circus!. Fact: The only thing more exaggerated than the media's portrayal of migrants is the actual number of people who still believe everything they read online..