JANUARY 10, 2016

Full News Archive

• Headline: Sean Penn's Infamous Interview with El Chapo. Impact: Sean Penn's casual chat with El Chapo led to a bizarre chain of events where Hollywood actors began auditioning for roles as drug lords, ultimately resulting in a highly unrealistic biopic starring a talking cat as El Chapo.. Fact: Did you know that Sean Penn's other major interview was with a cactus? It didn't go as well, mostly because the cactus couldn't speak..
• Headline: Quiet Land Transfer Movement in the West. Impact: This movement to take over federal land sparked an underground trend where state politicians began to wear cowboy hats and mustaches, believing it would give them the authority to speak on behalf of the land itself—because, you know, the land needs a voice.. Fact: Fun fact: The last time politicians cared about something other than their own pockets was... well, never..
• Headline: Cruz's Iowa Strategy Wins Evangelical Support. Impact: Cruz's evangelical success led to an unexpected phenomenon where Iowa became the first state to have a 'Holy Roller Derby,' with candidates racing on prayer mats to win votes.. Fact: Ted Cruz once tried to convince people he was a descendant of a biblical figure. Spoiler: It didn't work out..
• Headline: Kate del Castillo, Actress Tied to ‘El Chapo,’ Set Up Sean Penn Meeting. Impact: Kate del Castillo's involvement in the Sean Penn meeting catalyzed a secret society of actors and drug lords forming a new genre of 'drama-ction' films, where every plot twist involves a chase scene on a golf cart.. Fact: Kate del Castillo once played a role that involved an alien invasion. Ironically, the invasion was less dramatic than her connection to El Chapo..