DECEMBER 19, 2015

Full News Archive

• Headline: Glenwood Management's Role in Albany Trials. Impact: It’s a classic case of 'the rich get richer.' Litwin's absence in court might have inspired a new reality show called 'Rich People Who Don't Show Up to Court,' which would probably go on to win several Emmys.. Fact: Fun fact: Glenwood Management’s buildings are so luxurious that they may just have their own zip code. Seriously, if you can afford a luxury apartment there, you probably don’t even know what a court summons looks like..
• Headline: Jerry Jones Dazzles at Exclusive Suite Event. Impact: Jones' charisma could have inspired a new generation of owners to believe they, too, were rock stars. This might have led to a league of owners forming a band called 'The Touchdown Troubadours'—unfortunately, they only sing about profits.. Fact: Did you know that Jerry Jones once considered running for a political office? Because being a billionaire team owner wasn't enough of a power trip for him!.
• Headline: Internet Firms Urged to Limit Work of Anwar al-Awlaki. Impact: If al-Awlaki's influence had been curbed sooner, we might have avoided a whole wave of misguided youths turning to YouTube instead of actual education. Instead, they could have been watching cat videos—much safer!. Fact: Did you know that al-Awlaki was once considered a 'social media influencer'? Kind of ironic that he was using online platforms to promote violence while influencers today are just promoting overpriced smoothies..
• Headline: Baseball Has a New Policy on Netting, but There’s a Catch. Impact: This new policy could have led to a nationwide trend where all sports teams started putting up nets, eventually causing a shortage of netting material. Meanwhile, fans would be forced to wear helmets at all times—hello, new fashion statement!. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing more predictable than a baseball game is the debate over safety regulations. It’s almost as if people think a line drive to the face isn't a valid reason to take safety seriously!.