NOVEMBER 3, 2015

Full News Archive

• Headline: NYC Marathon's Unofficial Finishers Unite. Impact: This event created a butterfly effect where future marathon runners realized that being 'almost' a winner was just as rewarding as actually winning. Thus, the marathon became a haven for wannabe champions, leading to an influx of participation from those who just wanted to exercise their 'running' shoes rather than their competitive spirit. Fact: Did you know that running a marathon is basically just a really long way to avoid doing laundry? These 'almost' finishers might have just been looking for an excuse to skip out on chores!.
• Headline: Bobby Kotick’s Activision Blizzard to Buy King Digital, Maker of Candy Crush. Impact: The acquisition of King Digital marked the beginning of a game-ification of everyday life, where people started to believe that their lives were just elaborate Candy Crush levels, leading to an increase in sugar consumption and a nationwide shortage of sugar-free gum. Fact: Did you know that Candy Crush was originally a game designed to teach people how to properly crush candy? Just kidding, but wouldn't that be a fun class?.
• Headline: In Religious Arbitration, Scripture Is the Rule of Law. Impact: Religious arbitration set a precedent that spiraled into all sorts of absurdities, with people trying to resolve everything from parking tickets to marital disputes based on the Book of Leviticus instead of actual laws. It was the beginning of the end for rational legal practices. Fact: Did you know that some people actually think the Bible is a legal document? Next thing you know, they'll be trying to sue someone for not sharing their loaves and fishes!.