NOVEMBER 2, 2015

Full News Archive

• Headline: San Francisco Votes on Tech and Housing Issues. Impact: This event led to a series of tech protests that accidentally inspired the creation of a new app: 'VoteBot 3000,' which only tells you what your friends think you should vote for. Spoiler: it's mostly about avocado toast. Fact: In a shocking twist, studies show that people are more likely to vote when they think their Wi-Fi signal is stronger than their neighbor's.
• Headline: Lionsgate Expands Into Theme Parks. Impact: The theme park boom that followed this announcement led to a catastrophic oversaturation of dystopian attractions, eventually culminating in the 'Hunger Games: Real Life Edition' where guests quickly learned that running for your life was not as fun as it sounded. Fact: Did you know that the only thing scarier than a roller coaster based on a popular movie is realizing those rides are often more entertaining than the sequels?.
• Headline: Long Line at the Library? It’s Story Time Again. Impact: This surge in library attendance inadvertently led to the rise of 'Library Card Collectors,' who now compete to see who can gather the most obscure library cards, ultimately sparking a new underground economy based purely on borrowed books. Fact: Libraries are actually the original co-working spaces, except instead of overpriced coffee, you just get shushed for breathing too loudly.
• Headline: Lotto Campaign Ribbing the Rich Seizes a Moment. Impact: This campaign ignited a wave of 'Anti-Rich' merchandise, leading to the invention of 'We Don’t Care' coffee mugs, which ironically became a bestseller among the very rich they mocked. Fact: Interestingly, studies show that people who buy lottery tickets are statistically more likely to believe they’ll win than they are to believe in climate change—talk about misplaced priorities!.