OCTOBER 23, 2015

Full News Archive

• Headline: Senate Skepticism Towards Puerto Rico's Aid. Impact: This lack of support leads to Puerto Rico's economy spiraling further downwards, which somehow causes a spike in the popularity of 'Caribbean-themed' cocktails in the U.S. A true twist of fate, right?. Fact: Did you know that Congress has more debates than actual solutions? It's practically a national sport!.
• Headline: Protecting Syrian Civilians in Crisis. Impact: The debate distracts officials long enough that they accidentally invent a new form of diplomacy called 'Waiting for the Other Guy to Make the First Move.' This method later becomes a favorite in international negotiations.. Fact: Did you know that most debates in politics are just glorified shouting matches? And we thought wrestling was staged!.
• Headline: Review: ‘Dames at Sea’ Skips Onto Broadway. Impact: The revival of this musical convinces a whole generation that the 1930s were not just about the Great Depression, but also about spectacularly choreographed tap dance numbers. What a way to escape reality!. Fact: Did you know that musicals are just an excuse for people to burst into song at inappropriate times? Imagine if life were like that!.
• Headline: Palestinian Anger in Jerusalem and West Bank Gets a Violent Soundtrack. Impact: The rise of politically charged music leads to an unexpected fusion genre that combines protest songs with pop beats, making the world's first 'Resistance Remix' chart-topping hit. Who knew anger could be so catchy?. Fact: Did you know that music has been used as a form of protest for centuries? Apparently, it’s easier to sing about your problems than to actually solve them!.