OCTOBER 17, 2015

Full News Archive

• Headline: Subpoena Targets Fantasy Sports Trade Group. Impact: This subpoena could be the tipping point that leads to the downfall of fantasy sports. Imagine a world where people actually have to engage in real sports instead of obsessively trading imaginary players. Shocking, I know!. Fact: Did you know that the fantasy sports industry is worth billions? That's right, people are willing to throw cash at pretend teams while their actual sports teams continue to disappoint them..
• Headline: Theranos Faces FDA Scrutiny Over Practices. Impact: Theranos' downfall sparked a nationwide distrust in Silicon Valley start-ups. As a result, every time a new tech company promises to revolutionize healthcare, investors now ask if they can see the blood test results first.. Fact: Fun fact: Theranos claimed their tests could run hundreds of tests with just a drop of blood. Spoiler alert: Turns out, they actually couldn't. But hey, who needs accuracy when you have a good PR team?.
• Headline: Murphy Captivates Mets Fans in Playoff Bid. Impact: Murphy's charm could have led to a Mets dynasty, but alas, had he stayed, the universe might have shifted, creating a timeline where the Mets actually win more than just the 'Best Fans' award. Who knew loyalty could be so fleeting?. Fact: Did you know that Daniel Murphy later became a star with the Nationals? Proof that sometimes, leaving your team can be the best decision for your career. Sorry, Mets fans!.
• Headline: Hillary Clinton Bets on Future With Spending Spree to Build Campaign Infrastructure. Impact: Clinton's spending spree could be seen as the genesis of modern political campaigns, transforming them into expensive marketing campaigns rather than genuine public service. Who wouldn't want their democracy branded like a soda?. Fact: Did you know that in politics, spending money is like pouring sugar into a drink? It may taste sweet, but it'll eventually lead to a crash. Just ask any campaign that forgot about the voters!.
• Headline: Theo Epstein, a Former Red Sox Magician, Tries Another Exorcism With Cubs. Impact: If Epstein succeeded with the Cubs, it could have launched a new era of sports management where every team hires a 'magician' to break curses. Just imagine the job market; Hogwarts would be envious.. Fact: Did you know that Theo Epstein is often credited with breaking two of baseball's longest curses? Clearly, he has more pull with the baseball gods than most owners do with their wallets!.