SEPTEMBER 20, 2015

Full News Archive

• Headline: Mets and Yankees October Showdown. Impact: In a bizarre twist of fate, the Yankees' victory over the Mets inspired a new generation of baseball fans to take up knitting—because clearly, they needed something to soothe their disappointment.. Fact: Did you know that Noah Syndergaard once threw a pitch that was so fast it temporarily altered the space-time continuum? Just kidding, but wouldn’t it be nice if that were true?.
• Headline: Mamie Lang Kirkland's Return to Ellisville. Impact: Mamie Lang Kirkland's return sparked a cultural renaissance in Ellisville, leading to the establishment of 'No More Lynching' festivals. Ironically, the biggest draw was the food stalls.. Fact: Did you know that it took 100 years for Mamie to return? Talk about a long vacation... but I guess fleeing a lynch mob does put a damper on your travel plans..
• Headline: Carly Fiorina's C.E.O. Record Under Scrutiny. Impact: Carly's attempts to reshape her legacy ultimately led to a nationwide trend of CEOs claiming they were actually just misunderstood artists in the corporate world. 'My layoffs were performance art,' they said.. Fact: Did you know that mismanagement is just a fancy term for 'creative leadership'? At least that's what Carly might say to her critics..
• Headline: Bratton Tries a Community Policing Approach, on the New York Police. Impact: Bratton's initiative inadvertently led to police officers taking up yoga and meditation, drastically reducing donut-related incidents in precincts across the city. Namaste, donuts!. Fact: Did you know that giving officers more authority is just code for saying, 'Good luck, you're on your own!'? It's like sending a kid to school with a lunchbox full of candy and no supervision..
• Headline: Pope Francis Careful in Navigating Cuban Politics. Impact: The Pope's careful navigation inspired a new career path: 'Political Tightrope Walker.' Due to overwhelming demand, it's now a competitive sport in several countries.. Fact: Did you know that navigating politics is almost as tricky as walking through a minefield while blindfolded? Good luck, Pope Francis!.