SEPTEMBER 17, 2015

Full News Archive

• Headline: Moynihan's Dual Roles at Bank of America. Impact: If only Brian Moynihan had been a juggler instead of a banker, perhaps he could have balanced both roles without causing a financial circus. But alas, his dual role led to shareholders questioning the concept of 'too much power' long before it became a popular meme.. Fact: Did you know that having one person run both the company and the board is like letting the fox guard the henhouse? But hey, at least the fox knows where all the eggs are!.
• Headline: Putin's Diplomatic Push for Syrian Peace. Impact: Putin's charm offensive in Syria may have set off a chain reaction of diplomatic disasters. Who knew that one meeting could lead to a decade of awkward photo ops and the world debating whether to send him a fruit basket or a missile?. Fact: Did you know that every time Putin tries to be diplomatic, a new conspiracy theory is born? It's like magic, but instead of rabbits, it just pulls out more geopolitical tensions!.
• Headline: G.O.P. Candidates Challenge Trump in Debate. Impact: The GOP debate turned into a roast of Trump, which may have inspired future candidates to adopt insults as their primary strategy, leading to the first presidential campaign entirely based on meme-worthy zingers. Who knew politics could resemble a high school cafeteria?. Fact: Did you know that taunting Trump is like poking a bear? It’s entertaining, but you never know what kind of chaos will ensue when the bear wakes up!.
• Headline: A New Stage but a Familiar Donald Trump: The Brawler. Impact: The 'familiar Donald Trump' on stage confirmed that sometimes, people don't change. This realization sent shockwaves through political strategists everywhere, who began to wonder if they should just start recycling old campaign slogans instead of crafting new ones.. Fact: Did you know that 'The Brawler' was almost the title of an action movie starring Trump? Spoiler: It bombed, but the marketing was a hit!.
• Headline: Post-Deal Iran Asks if U.S. Is Still ‘Great Satan,’ or Something Less. Impact: Iran's existential crisis over the 'Great Satan' label may have inadvertently led to a global crisis in branding. Now, every country is wondering if they should rebrand themselves to avoid being the 'bad guy' in the international drama.. Fact: Did you know that the U.S. was once called the 'Great Pumpkin' by some Iranian officials? Turns out, they were just trying to figure out who to blame for their inflation!.