AUGUST 3, 2015

Full News Archive

• Headline: Jeb Bush's Strategy amid Trump’s Rise. Impact: Jeb Bush's strategic acceptance of Trump's rise led to a bizarre butterfly effect, where a decade later, every political debate involves a discussion about hair products and reality TV ratings. Who knew politics could become a reality show crossover?. Fact: Did you know that Jeb Bush once tried to brand himself as 'the fun Bush'? Spoiler alert: it didn't work..
• Headline: NYC Moves Tenants from Three-Quarter Homes. Impact: The relocation of tenants from 'three-quarter' homes inadvertently led to a thriving black market for cozy, unregulated living spaces, where hipsters now pay extra for the 'vintage' overcrowding experience.. Fact: Fun fact: 'three-quarter' homes are just like regular homes, but with a lot more people and a lot less paperwork. Who needs regulations anyway?.
• Headline: Insurer Mergers: Consumer Doubts Persist. Impact: As health insurers consolidated, it caused a chain reaction where consumers began hoarding kale and essential oils, believing they could counteract corporate greed with organic smoothies. And thus, the wellness industry boomed!. Fact: Did you know that the term 'bigger is better' was originally coined by a fast-food chain? Irony levels: off the charts..
• Headline: Cool Influencers With Big Followings Get Picky About Their Endorsements. Impact: The rise of picky influencers led to a dystopian future where brands must now audition for endorsements, and every product is required to have a backstory as compelling as an indie film.. Fact: Did you know that before influencers, celebrities were just people who acted in movies and didn't need a hashtag to sell toothpaste? Shocking!.