AUGUST 1, 2015

Full News Archive

• Headline: Samuel DuBose's Death Sparks Policy Reassessment. Impact: Samuel DuBose’s death sparked a nationwide conversation about police accountability, leading to the creation of the 'Make Your Own Police Force' board game, which ironically became popular among college students, emphasizing the absurdity of policing policies.. Fact: After this incident, some universities decided to train their police in 'How to Not Shoot First and Ask Questions Later'—a course that apparently has not been fully implemented yet..
• Headline: Sheldon Richardson's Controversial Decisions. Impact: Sheldon Richardson’s questionable decisions eventually inspired a new reality show called 'Jet Set Decisions', where players must choose between playing well or making bad choices. Spoiler alert: the bad choices always win.. Fact: The Jets’ decision-making process is so questionable that it has been rumored to be run by a committee of raccoons—who are surprisingly good at finding trash, but not so much at finding the end zone..
• Headline: Understanding Female Facial Expressions. Impact: The rise of RBF (Resting Bitch Face) awareness led to the creation of a new self-help group where members learn to smile without actually being happy, resulting in an unexpected boom in the cosmetic dentistry industry.. Fact: RBF is so common that scientists are currently studying the phenomenon to see if it leads to an increased likelihood of spontaneous sarcasm outbreaks..
• Headline: My Dinner With Longevity Expert Dan Buettner (No Kale Required). Impact: Dan Buettner’s dinner with a cheeseburger enthusiast created a ripple effect, leading to a bizarre culinary trend where longevity experts now compete to create the unhealthiest yet most delicious meals, calling it 'The Diet Paradox'.. Fact: Studies show that people who eat cheeseburgers and drink martinis often live longer just to hear their health-conscious friends complain about it..
• Headline: Joe Biden in 2016: What Would Beau Do?. Impact: Joe Biden’s musings about Beau led to the creation of a new political strategy called 'What Would Beau Do?', which surprisingly led to more confusion than clarity among voters and strategists alike.. Fact: The phrase 'What Would Beau Do?' has now been added to the dictionary under 'ambiguous answers to difficult questions'—right next to 'Ask your mother.'.