JULY 16, 2015

Full News Archive

• Headline: Negotiation Breakthroughs in Iran Nuclear Deal. Impact: If the nuclear deal hadn't happened, we might have been sharing our coffee with a very different kind of nuclear morning in the Middle East, complete with dramatic standoffs and a reality TV show called 'Keeping Up with the Ayatollahs.'. Fact: Did you know that negotiating a nuclear deal is a lot like a bad marriage? It takes years of shouting and compromise just to agree on what to eat for dinner..
• Headline: Clinton Struggles with Grass-Roots Fundraising. Impact: Hillary's lag in engaging grassroots donors might have led to the invention of a bizarre new fundraising strategy involving interpretive dance-offs, just to grab the public's attention.. Fact: Did you know that engaging grassroots donors is like trying to train a cat? You can try all you want, but they’ll probably just ignore you and knock over your plants instead..
• Headline: Japan's Historic Shift in Military Policy. Impact: Japan's decision to allow military combat could lead to a future where every sushi chef doubles as a tactical officer, resulting in the first-ever 'Sushi Wars' over who gets the last piece of tuna.. Fact: Did you know that Japan's last military engagement was World War II? So, basically, they took a 70-year nap and woke up like, 'Hey, let’s start throwing punches again!'.
• Headline: Obama, in Oklahoma, Takes Reform Message to the Prison Cell Block. Impact: Obama's visit to a federal prison might have inspired a reality show called 'Presidential Lockdown,' where inmates compete for the ultimate prize: a presidential pardon or a lifetime supply of ramen noodles.. Fact: Did you know that visiting a prison as a sitting president is a big deal? It's like showing up to a family reunion where everyone is on parole and hoping they keep their stories straight!.
• Headline: WikiLeaks Shows a Saudi Obsession With Iran. Impact: Saudi Arabia's obsession with Iran might have inadvertently led to the creation of a new spy thriller series where the protagonists are two countries trying to one-up each other with increasingly ridiculous schemes.. Fact: Did you know that WikiLeaks is basically the modern-day equivalent of eavesdropping on your neighbors? Just a lot less popcorn and a lot more international drama!.