JULY 4, 2015

Full News Archive

• Headline: Obama Expands Clemency for Drug Offenders. Impact: In a twist of fate, Obama's clemency plan inadvertently sparked a new trend in 'Clemency Parties' across the nation, where families celebrate their loved ones' release with cake and confetti, inadvertently leading to an increase in the baking industry. Who knew justice could be so sweet?. Fact: Did you know that in ancient Rome, clemency was a popular political tool? They didn't have cake, but they did have gladiators, so it was a bit more dramatic..
• Headline: Pope Francis' Pivotal Latin America Visit. Impact: Pope Francis's visit inspired a global movement of 'Papal Pilgrimages,' where people began to travel not just for faith, but for the perfect Instagram photo with a saint. This led to an unprecedented rise in travel selfies, causing a crisis of faith in the selfie stick industry.. Fact: Fun fact: The Pope once used a selfie stick himself, inadvertently creating a new sacrament—Selfie-ment!.
• Headline: Facing a Selfie Election, Presidential Hopefuls Grin and Bear It. Impact: The 'Selfie Election' phenomenon led to candidates mysteriously developing an obsession with filters, resulting in a generation of politicians who looked better on Instagram than they did in real life. Who knew democracy would become so photogenic?. Fact: Did you know that the first selfie was taken in 1839 by a guy named Robert Cornelius? He probably never imagined it would lead to a reality show called 'Keeping Up with the Candidates'!.