JUNE 27, 2015

Full News Archive

• Headline: Fireworks Restrictions Lifted Nationwide. Impact: The easing of fireworks prohibitions led to a national obsession with backyard pyrotechnics. Who knew a sparkler could ignite a revolution in suburban celebrations, leading to the Great Fireworks Wars of 2032, where neighborhoods competed for the loudest and most obnoxious displays?. Fact: Did you know that the first recorded fireworks were used in ancient China over 1,000 years ago? They probably didn't foresee that their invention would lead to countless injuries and a national holiday dedicated to explosives!.
• Headline: US Defeats China in Women's World Cup. Impact: Carli Lloyd's header became a metaphorical launchpad for women's sports, inspiring generations of young girls to believe they could score big—both on the field and in their careers as lawyers, astronauts, or whatever else they want to be. Sorry, boys!. Fact: Did you know that the U.S. Women's National Soccer Team has won more World Cups than the men's team? But sure, let's keep pretending that the men’s league is more popular..
• Headline: Porzingis Sparks Controversy for Anthony. Impact: Kristaps Porzingis's eyebrow-raising antics set off a chain reaction in the NBA, leading to increasingly absurd trade demands and player negotiations. By 2025, players were negotiating contracts in interpretive dance.. Fact: Did you know Porzingis is 7'3''? It’s almost like he could reach for the stars in his career—if only he could figure out how to play defense!.
• Headline: Historic Day for Gays, but Twinge of Loss for an Outsider Culture. Impact: The historic day for gay rights sparked a nationwide debate that spiraled into pop culture, leading to the rise of 'rainbow capitalism.' Businesses jumped on the bandwagon, leading to the now-infamous Pride Month sales that somehow include everything from tacos to tires.. Fact: Did you know that Pride Month started as a protest against police brutality? Now it's a celebration where you can buy rainbow-colored everything—because nothing says 'equality' like a $30 pride t-shirt..
• Headline: Maiden Names, on the Rise Again. Impact: The rise of women keeping their maiden names led to a slow but steady reversal of traditional marriage customs. In 2040, the concept of a 'family name' was replaced with a random assortment of letters and numbers, just to keep things interesting.. Fact: Did you know that retaining maiden names is still a debate in many cultures? Because apparently, some people think a name change is the key to a successful marriage—good luck with that!.