JUNE 24, 2015

Full News Archive

• Headline: Greece Stabilizes, Investor Concerns Shift. Impact: If Greece had imploded, investors would have panicked and possibly invented a new cryptocurrency made of feta cheese, leading to a global cheese economy that would have made lactose intolerants the richest people on earth.. Fact: Investors finding new concerns is like trying to find a new flavor of ice cream after you've already tasted every single one—good luck with that!.
• Headline: Rising Rent Costs Amid Homeownership Decline. Impact: As more Americans rent, they inadvertently contribute to the rise of tiny homes and minimalism, leading to a future where everyone lives in shoeboxes and is forced to communicate solely through social media emojis.. Fact: Homeownership falling is a great reminder that the American Dream is now just a 'slightly uncomfortable rental agreement.'.
• Headline: California's Water Wars: A Divided Delta. Impact: The water battleground in California could lead to the creation of a new reality show: 'Survivor: Delta Edition,' where contestants battle for water rights while dodging both environmentalists and rogue farmers.. Fact: California's water issues have become so complex that even the fish are filing for custody of their homes..
• Headline: Homegrown Extremists Tied to Deadlier Toll Than Jihadists in U.S. Since 9/11. Impact: This revelation about homegrown extremists could lead to a bizarre twist in history where non-Muslim extremists become the focus of all security policies, resulting in a new era of ironic extremism where the 'bad guys' are actually just misunderstood hipsters.. Fact: It's ironic that the deadliest extremists are those with a free subscription to the 'Not All Extremists' newsletter..
• Headline: The Artha Project Supports Emerging Artists on a Small and Personal Scale. Impact: The Artha Project could spark a renaissance of artistic talent that causes all future art to be created in coffee shops, leading to a world where all masterpieces are drip coffee-themed.. Fact: Supporting emerging artists is like giving a toddler a paint set—chaotic but potentially brilliant!.