MAY 26, 2015

Full News Archive

• Headline: The Evolution of Fleet Week's Culture. Impact: If sailors had kept their wild ways, New York might have had a different reputation entirely. Instead of the Big Apple, it could have been dubbed the 'Big Bar' or something equally catchy, leading to a tourism boom for cocktail enthusiasts.. Fact: Did you know that in the 1800s, sailors famously brought back exotic pets like monkeys and parrots? Imagine the chaos if they had also brought back their wild party habits!.
• Headline: Mistaken Clause Threatens Health Care Law. Impact: This little blunder could lead to an alternate timeline where health care is based entirely on luck. Imagine a lottery system for medical treatment—'You’ve won a surgery! Enjoy your new kidney!'. Fact: Fun fact: The phrase 'Oops, my bad!' has never been uttered in Congress—until now, apparently..
• Headline: Charter's Ambitious Bid for Time Warner Cable. Impact: Charter's pursuit of Time Warner could be the catalyst for a future where cable companies merge into a singular entity called 'MegaCable,' leading to nationwide debates on how to pronounce 'Charty' versus 'Charter.'. Fact: Did you know that $55 billion could also buy you approximately 1.5 billion cups of coffee? Priorities, people!.
• Headline: Doubts About Study of Gay Canvassers Rattle the Field. Impact: This study's fallout may lead to a future where canvassers are replaced by artificial intelligence—because who needs human interaction when you can have a robot awkwardly asking for your vote?. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more unreliable than a controversial study is the weather forecast? At least one of them has a chance of being right!.
• Headline: Broadband at the Center of Charter-Time Warner Cable Deal. Impact: If broadband keeps becoming the center of deals like this, we might end up in a dystopian future where internet providers control everything, including the ability to binge-watch a series without buffering. The horror!. Fact: Did you know that the average American spends over 10 hours a day consuming media? That’s right—no time to actually live life when you can just watch others do it!.