APRIL 26, 2015

Full News Archive

• Headline: Harvey Dominates Yankees at Yankee Stadium. Impact: If Matt Harvey hadn't crushed the Yankees that night, the Mets might have never had their own 'pinstriped dream' narrative, creating a parallel universe where Mets fans are eternally optimistic and actually believe in fairy tales.. Fact: Fun fact: Matt Harvey's dominance that night led to him being dubbed the 'Dark Knight'—a title that sounds way cooler than 'guy who liked the other team as a kid.'.
• Headline: Support for C.I.A. Drone Missions Stands Strong. Impact: The unwavering support for drone missions likely planted the seeds for a future where drones become the go-to method for sending birthday wishes—because who needs cake when you can have a drone drop a gift?. Fact: Did you know that drone strikes have become so popular that they might soon start offering loyalty points? Collect 10 strikes, get a free coffee!.
• Headline: Cincinnati's Transformation on Gay Rights. Impact: Cincinnati's shift towards supporting gay marriage might have inadvertently set off a chain reaction of rainbow flags popping up everywhere, including in the most unexpected places like conservative boardrooms and church basements.. Fact: Fun fact: Cincinnati's conservative past is so recent it still remembers the days when people thought 'rainbow' was just a fancy word for 'colorful.'.
• Headline: Tax Break Used by Investors in Flipping Art Faces Scrutiny. Impact: The scrutiny of art-flipping tax breaks could lead to a future where people invest in thumbtacks—because why bother with a Picasso when you can have an avant-garde collection of office supplies?. Fact: Did you know that art flipping is the only time people can say they’re 'flipping' something without it being an omelet?.