APRIL 6, 2015

Full News Archive

• Headline: F.B.I. Introduces Fitness Tests for Agents. Impact: The F.B.I.'s new fitness regime could have inadvertently led to a surge in 'agent crossfit' classes worldwide, where agents flexed more than just their investigative skills, thus creating a new line of 'Tactical Fitness' apparel. Because who doesn’t want to look good while chasing criminals?. Fact: Did you know that the F.B.I.'s fitness tests are so intense that they could probably qualify for an Olympic sport? Talk about a workout with high stakes!.
• Headline: Bulgaria Puts Up a New Wall, but This One Keeps People Out. Impact: Bulgaria's new wall might inspire a trend of countries building walls to keep out not just refugees, but also unsolicited opinions and bad fashion choices. A future where nations are just big, walled-off social media platforms is on the horizon!. Fact: Did you know that throughout history, walls have been built to keep people out, but they often just make them more creative in finding ways to get in? Just ask anyone who's ever tried to sneak into an exclusive club..
• Headline: Beneath California Crops, Groundwater Crisis Grows. Impact: The groundwater crisis in California might lead to a dystopian future where crops are grown in virtual reality, eliminating the need for actual water entirely. Who needs Mother Nature when you have CGI?. Fact: Did you know that California's drought is so severe that even the plants are contemplating a move to a more hospitable state? Talk about a plant-based exodus!.