APRIL 4, 2015

Full News Archive

• Headline: Prioritizing Assault Prevention in College Sports. Impact: In an alternate timeline, the introduction of assault prevention training in sports led to a fantastic chain reaction where athletes became the world's most sought-after counselors, eventually establishing a global peace summit run by former football players. Who knew tackling could be so therapeutic?. Fact: Did you know that before this initiative, locker room discussions mostly revolved around protein shakes and terrible puns? Progress, people!.
• Headline: 'Mad Men' Influence on Modern Advertising. Impact: The rise of characters like Don Draper inspired a new generation of marketers who thought they could sell anything, including air. This led to a bizarre trend of air-flavored gum that did surprisingly well in focus groups but ultimately flopped as consumers realized they were literally buying nothing.. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing more inflated than the egos in the advertising industry are the prices they charge for those absurdly clever taglines..
• Headline: Tiger Woods Returns to Augusta National. Impact: Tiger Woods's return to Augusta sparked a time rift that inadvertently transported golf fans back to 1997, where they were forced to relive the fashion choices of that era. Spoiler alert: it's not pretty!. Fact: Did you know that Tiger Woods could potentially be the face of a 'Back to the Future' reboot? Because apparently, he’s been time-traveling through golf history for decades!.
• Headline: An Iran Nuclear Deal Built on Coffee, All-Nighters and Compromise. Impact: This historic deal inadvertently led to the invention of a new coffee blend called 'Diplomatic Brew', which became so popular it started a global coffee craze, causing a worldwide caffeine shortage and leading to an underground coffee smuggling ring. Who knew negotiations could be so stimulating?. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more complex than the Iran Nuclear Deal is making a decent cup of coffee? Good luck with that!.