APRIL 2, 2015

Full News Archive

• Headline: Walmart Takes a Stand for Equality. Impact: Walmart's unexpected foray into social activism single-handedly sparked a nationwide trend of corporations trying to act like their social media feeds have a conscience. Who knew all it took to change the world was a viral tweet and a massive supply chain?. Fact: Walmart's slogan could soon be 'Saving Money, Making Statements'. Don't forget to check the clearance aisle for their latest human rights campaign!.
• Headline: G.O.P. Divisions Over Rights Measures Uncovered. Impact: The G.O.P.'s internal conflicts over rights measures led to a decade-long game of political Twister, where every twist and turn exposed more limbs than the last. Who knew party unity would become a rare collectible like Beanie Babies?. Fact: The only thing more fragile than G.O.P. unity is my will to finish a salad. But hey, at least they’re consistent in their inconsistency!.
• Headline: Tragic Attack at Kenyan University. Impact: The tragic loss of life in this attack not only shook Kenya but also reverberated through global security policies, leading to increased scrutiny and militarization in educational spaces—because nothing says 'safe learning environment' like armed guards.. Fact: In the wake of this tragedy, many universities around the world had to rethink their security measures. Who knew books could be so dangerous?.
• Headline: Saudi Leaders Have High Hopes for Yemen Airstrikes, but Houthi Attacks Continue. Impact: Saudi Arabia's ambitions in Yemen became a cautionary tale of how pride can lead to disastrous consequences, ultimately reshaping alliances and fueling a cycle of conflict that would echo across the Middle East for years to come. All for a chance to flex some geopolitical muscle.. Fact: King Salman thought he could play chess with airstrikes, but it turns out he was just knocking over the pieces. Checkmate… or check your ego?.
• Headline: The Chinese Billionaire Zhang Lei Spins Research Into Investment Gold. Impact: Zhang Lei's transformation from intern to billionaire investor kicked off a new trend where every college student suddenly believed they could also turn their ramen noodle recipes into investment gold. Spoiler: They couldn’t.. Fact: If only I had known that detailed reports could lead to a financial windfall. I've been writing my grocery lists like they were the next great American novel!.