MARCH 27, 2015

Full News Archive

• Headline: Contact Lens Price Setting Dispute. Impact: The tussle over contact lens pricing leads to an unexpected boom in black market lens sales, where hipsters start selling 'vintage' lenses at outrageous prices, claiming they're 'authentic 90s vibes'.. Fact: Did you know that the first contact lenses were made from glass? Because nothing says comfort like a tiny shard of glass on your eyeball!.
• Headline: U.S. Complications in Yemen Conflict. Impact: The U.S. involvement in the Middle East becomes a never-ending game of Jenga, where every alliance removed causes the whole structure to sway precariously, leading to a global shortage of Jenga sets as people try to replicate the chaos.. Fact: Did you know that the Middle East has been a geopolitical hotspot for decades? It's almost like they have a mismanaged Airbnb that nobody wants to checkout of!.
• Headline: New York Spring Spectacular Review. Impact: The New York Spring Spectacular becomes the catalyst for a nationwide explosion of extravagantly themed performances, eventually leading to an annual festival where everyone dresses as their favorite historical figure trying to do a Broadway number.. Fact: Did you know that the Rockettes can kick higher than most people's hopes and dreams? Now that’s a high bar!.
• Headline: Is There Anything UConn Can’t Do? Tweet, for One. Impact: UConn's coaches' efforts to control off-color remarks lead to an era where all sports teams adopt strict 'no fun' policies, causing a nationwide uprising where fans revolt by wearing socks with sandals.. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'no comment' is often used by people who have plenty to say but are too smart to say it out loud? Just like UConn's coaches and their Twitter policies!.