MARCH 10, 2015

Full News Archive

• Headline: Mixed Signals on Marijuana Policy Debate. Impact: If Bratton and de Blasio had just agreed on marijuana, perhaps we would have avoided the 2030s cannabis-themed reality shows that ultimately led to the rise of the Cannabis Olympics. Who knew rolling a joint would be an Olympic sport?. Fact: Did you know that in 2021, a cat became the unofficial mascot of a pro-cannabis rally? It’s true! Because if cats can rule the internet, surely they can rule the world of marijuana advocacy..
• Headline: Banks Shift Away from Mountaintop Coal Mining. Impact: This banking decision caused an unexpected surge in eco-friendly hipster coffee shops that only serve drinks made from Fair Trade, non-mountain-destroying beans. Who would have thought mining could lead to more artisanal lattes?. Fact: Did you know that coal miners once used canaries to check for hazardous gases? Just imagine if they had instead trained golden retrievers; we could have had a whole new breed of 'mining dogs'!.
• Headline: New York Welcomes Spring's First Warm Day. Impact: This 'first taste of spring' event inadvertently triggered the Great New York Polar Bear Fashion Show of 2024, where the city's elite donned winter wear made entirely of faux fur. Who knew a warm day could lead to such a public faux pas?. Fact: Did you know that New York City has over 200 parks? Apparently, they’re not just for picnics; they're also ideal for avoiding the existential dread of city life..
• Headline: Herzog Emerging as Credible Challenge to Netanyahu in Israeli Race. Impact: Herzog's rise led to a bizarre chain of events where every subsequent Israeli election involved candidates dressing up as characters from 'Game of Thrones' to appeal to younger voters. Because nothing says leadership like a good costume!. Fact: Did you know that in Israel, falafel is a national dish? Who knew that the competition for political office could be as fierce as the competition for the best falafel?.