FEBRUARY 19, 2015

Full News Archive

• Headline: Maxim's Bold Fashion Shift Under Kate Lanphear. Impact: If Maxim had never ventured into fashion, the world would have missed out on countless questionable outfits at parties, and perhaps the rise of ironic 'babe' fashion would have been delayed by decades. Imagine a world where cargo shorts never made a comeback!. Fact: Did you know that Maxim’s transition into fashion was so shocking that even their readers considered it a plot twist? They were more confused than a cat at a dog show..
• Headline: Safra Family Expands Banking Influence. Impact: The Safra family buying Chiquita and the Gherkin was like a financial game of Monopoly gone rogue. If this deal hadn’t happened, who knows? We might be living in a world where bananas are still considered a luxury item and skyscrapers are made of cardboard!. Fact: Fun fact: The Safra Group's purchases led to a spike in banana-themed fashion accessories. Because nothing says ‘business mogul’ quite like a banana-shaped briefcase..
• Headline: Bipartisan Efforts in Justice Reform. Impact: This unexpected alliance could be the spark that ignites a political revolution! If the left and right can unite over justice reform, who's to say they won't end up teaming up to create the world's first bipartisan ice cream flavor? The possibilities are endless!. Fact: Did you know that the last time the left and right agreed on anything was when they both decided that pineapple on pizza is a crime against humanity? Talk about a unifying cause!.
• Headline: Faulted for Avoiding ‘Islamic’ Labels to Describe Terrorism, White House Cites a Strategic Logic. Impact: By avoiding specific labels for terrorism, the White House may have inadvertently created a linguistic black hole. In an alternate universe, this decision led to a new form of interpretive dance that attempts to express the complexities of global politics. You won’t believe the ticket sales!. Fact: It's interesting to note that 'strategic logic' is just a fancy term for 'let's avoid the angry tweets.' Because nothing says diplomacy like dodging a label!.
• Headline: Review: ‘Verité’ With Anna Camp, About a Memoir or a Tale Barely Like It. Impact: If 'Verité' had never come out, we might still be stuck in an era where memoirs were only about actual lives instead of glorified Pinterest boards. A world where the line between truth and fiction remains disturbingly clear is a boring world indeed!. Fact: Did you know that Anna Camp's performance in 'Verité' sparked a new trend of people claiming their lives were 'inspired by true events'? It’s the new 'fiction based on fact' genre, and it’s sweeping the nation!.