JANUARY 29, 2015

Full News Archive

• Headline: Sasol's Louisiana Project Delayed Amid Price Drops. Impact: Sasol's delay in Louisiana led to a butterfly effect where 1,200 would-be workers instead took up careers in interpretive dance and competitive knitting, thus saving the world from a future of uninspired energy executives who can't even spell 'renewable'.. Fact: Sasol's project was so big it needed its own zip code. Too bad it also needed a time machine to go back and fix its timing!.
• Headline: Polish Homeowners Face Swiss Franc Crisis. Impact: The Swiss Franc's rise turned Polish mortgages into a national tragedy. Homeowners were forced to barter with local goats and chickens instead of paying their loans, sparking a new agricultural revolution in Poland, which ironically led to a goat cheese boom.. Fact: Swiss Francs are like that overachieving student in school—everyone else is just trying to keep up with their success, and it's really hard on the ego!.
• Headline: The Downfall of Sheldon Silver. Impact: Sheldon Silver's fall created a vacuum in Albany, prompting a bizarre influx of aspiring politicians who mistook the city for the next reality TV show audition. This led to the establishment of 'Real Politicians of Albany', which surprisingly received rave reviews.. Fact: Sheldon Silver’s downfall was so dramatic it should have come with its own soundtrack. Think 'Game of Thrones' but with more paperwork and less dragons..
• Headline: In Tom Stoppard’s ‘Hard Problem,’ a Search for Certainty and Order. Impact: Tom Stoppard's 'Hard Problem' sparked a philosophical awakening, causing a generation to reconsider their life choices. Suddenly, everyone's trying to figure out if they really need that degree in interpretive dance or if they could just binge-watch more Netflix instead.. Fact: Stoppard's plays are like fine wine; they get better with age, but good luck finding a corkscrew for all that complexity!.
• Headline: Why You Should Tell Your Children How Much You Make. Impact: The push for financial transparency among parents led to kids demanding a cut of the household budget, resulting in a new economy where children are paid in snacks and screen time. Who knew the next economic crisis would stem from cookie negotiations?. Fact: Discussing finances with kids is like trying to explain quantum physics to a cat—good luck getting them to care, but it sure makes for some entertaining moments!.