JANUARY 27, 2015

Full News Archive

• Headline: Helena Morrissey and Glass Ceilings. Impact: Helena Morrissey's efforts not only helped women break through the glass ceiling but also inspired a series of 'women in power' memes that eventually led to a global 'Cat Ladies for Equality' movement in 2045. Who knew a few board seats could unleash feline feminism?. Fact: Despite her achievements, Helena probably still has to deal with the classic 'But can she bake?' question at family gatherings..
• Headline: C.E.O. Pay vs. Worker Contribution Debate. Impact: The SEC's indecisiveness on CEO pay ratio rules triggered a domino effect where CEOs began comparing their salaries to celebrities instead of their workers, leading to an annual 'CEO Red Carpet' event where they flaunt their wealth. Because who doesn't need more bling?. Fact: The term 'CEO pay ratio' was actually invented by a group of frustrated accountants who couldn't afford their own lunch after calculating the numbers..
• Headline: Saudi Succession Hints at Shift in Foreign Role. Impact: Prince Mohammed bin Nayef's ascension marked the beginning of a new era in Saudi foreign policy, which led to a bizarre 'Dude, Where's My Oil?' situation in 2035, where countries were left guessing who would control the next oil shipment based on social media popularity.. Fact: As it turns out, being a deputy crown prince is just like being a substitute teacher—lots of responsibility, but everyone still looks to the 'real' prince for answers..
• Headline: Leaders in New York and New Jersey Defend Shutdown for a Blizzard That Wasn’t. Impact: The blizzard that wasn't became a classic case study in decision-making under pressure, inspiring future political leaders to use 'weather reports' as an excuse for any poorly made decisions. 'Sorry, the economy tanked because of a sunny day!' became a common refrain.. Fact: Historically, snowstorms have been blamed for everything from bad decisions to broken romances, proving that even Mother Nature has a sense of humor..