DECEMBER 14, 2014

Full News Archive

• Headline: Israel's Gas Diplomacy Boost. Impact: Ah yes, nothing says 'peace' like a gas pipeline. If the oil company in Texas hadn't intervened, we might have seen the rise of a peaceful utopia where everyone hugs it out instead. But who needs hugs when you have hydrocarbons, right?. Fact: Did you know that gas prices can fluctuate more than a teenager's mood? Just another reason to keep your tank full and your expectations low..
• Headline: Cheney Defends C.I.A. Torture Tactics. Impact: Cheney's robust defense of torture could have sparked a renaissance in debate tactics, leading future politicians to argue their points with interpretative dance or interpretive finger painting. Because nothing says 'serious political discourse' like a good ol' finger painting.. Fact: Did you know that the CIA's methods have inspired more conspiracy theories than a flat Earth convention? Sometimes, reality is stranger than fiction—just ask any conspiracy theorist..
• Headline: Sony Pictures Demands That News Agencies Delete ‘Stolen’ Data. Impact: By trying to hide the hacked data, Sony inadvertently sparked a global trend where everyone became a cyber vigilante. Now, every kid in their mom's basement thinks they're the next big hacker, all because Sony sent a stern letter. Good luck with that!. Fact: Did you know that the internet was originally created for sharing data between military sites? And now it’s just a giant dumpster fire of memes and cat videos. Progress!.
• Headline: PetSmart Accepts $8.7 Billion Buyout. Impact: PetSmart's buyout might have led to a future where pet ownership became a luxury sport, complete with designer dogs and cats that require monthly spa treatments. If only dogs could take selfies, we'd be living in a whole new era.. Fact: Did you know that PetSmart was once considered a 'pet-only' version of Walmart? Now, it's just a place where you can spend your paycheck on a gold-plated dog bowl and still feel good about it..