NOVEMBER 30, 2014

Full News Archive

• Headline: 1 World Trade Center: Design and Controversy. Impact: The construction of 1 World Trade Center sparked a debate about architectural priorities, leading to a future where every skyscraper must pass an 'emotional resilience' test before breaking ground. The next thing you know, buildings are hiring therapists.. Fact: It’s the only skyscraper that offers therapy sessions on the 100th floor. Just kidding, but wouldn't that be a twist?.
• Headline: Hong Kong Police Clash with Protesters. Impact: The police intervention in Hong Kong became the blueprint for how not to handle protests, inspiring future governments to take notes on how to escalate situations instead of de-escalating. Who knew pepper spray could be a diplomatic strategy?. Fact: In Hong Kong, the pepper spray is considered a local condiment. Just kidding, but it sure adds some spice to the protests!.
• Headline: Climate Talks: Hope Amidst Challenges. Impact: This climate talk optimism eventually led to the invention of climate optimism pills, which became wildly successful despite not actually doing anything for the planet. People just felt better about ignoring the melting ice caps.. Fact: The pills were so popular that they were almost marketed as candy. Because who doesn't want a sweet treat while the planet burns?.
• Headline: A Big Man Shrinks Into a New Role. Impact: Marc Gasol's weight loss and performance led to a trend where athletes began shedding pounds for publicity, resulting in a bizarre future where every player has to tweet their weight weekly to stay relevant.. Fact: Rumor has it, the Grizzlies considered offering a 'Weight Watchers' subscription to fans. Because nothing screams sports like diet plans!.
• Headline: Funny, This Little Town Is Full of C.I.A. Operatives. Impact: The revelation of a town full of C.I.A. operatives led to conspiracy theories running rampant, transforming the quaint little town into a tourist hotspot for conspiracy enthusiasts and tinfoil hat sales skyrocketing.. Fact: The town’s welcome sign was eventually changed to 'Welcome to the C.I.A. Headquarters - Please Don't Ask Questions!'.