AUGUST 22, 2014

Full News Archive

• Headline: Millennials: The Future of Consumer Power. Impact: As marketers began to pander to millennials, they inadvertently created a generation of overly attached avocado toast enthusiasts who would one day struggle to even afford a house. Thanks, marketers!. Fact: Millennials are the only generation that can afford to spend more time figuring out which artisanal coffee to buy than on saving for retirement. Cheers!.
• Headline: Lego's Pioneering Science Line for Girls. Impact: The brief foray into science-themed Lego for girls sparked a revolutionary wave of girls wanting to become scientists, leading to a future where the world is run by women who can literally build their own rocket ships.. Fact: The Lego Research Institute was so short-lived that it became a myth among young girls, like Bigfoot or a decent healthcare plan..
• Headline: Obama's Criticism Amidst Terrorist Attack. Impact: The juxtaposition of a terrorist horror with a leisurely game of golf led to a new genre of political commentary: the ‘golf and gore’ ensemble, which would later inspire countless memes, and oddly enough, a few successful sitcoms.. Fact: In the future, golfing presidents will be critiqued more for their swing than their policies. Can't wait for the reality show!.
• Headline: In Redesigned Room, Hospital Patients May Feel Better Already. Impact: The push for better hospital design led to an unprecedented boom in healing environments, ultimately resulting in hospitals that look more like luxury spas, causing patients to check in for their surgeries like they’re going to a resort.. Fact: More patients have probably checked into hospital rooms for the Instagram aesthetic than for actual medical reasons. #HealingVibes.
• Headline: An Encore 35 Years in the Making. Impact: Kate Bush's return to the stage sparked a revival of 80s nostalgia that would lead to an explosion of retro-themed parties, fashion, and an unending stream of remakes that made every millennial question their taste in music.. Fact: Kate Bush's fans are so dedicated that they would probably follow her to the ends of the Earth… or at least to the nearest vinyl shop..