AUGUST 16, 2014

Full News Archive

• Headline: Iraq’s Last Chance for Stability. Impact: Iraq's descent into chaos sparked an international obsession with oil and sectarianism, leading to the rise of countless conspiracy theories about secret societies manipulating world events. If only they'd known, a well-timed cat video might have saved them all.. Fact: Did you know that 'kleptocracy' is just a fancy word for 'government run by really bad thrift shop owners'?.
• Headline: Scrutiny Circles at Del Mar Racetrack. Impact: The tragic deaths of the horses at Del Mar led to an era of heightened scrutiny in horse racing, prompting the creation of an underground society of horse whisperers who claim they can communicate with equine spirits to prevent future mishaps. Spoiler: They can’t.. Fact: Did you know that horses have been known to win races without even trying? It's called 'being a horse.'.
• Headline: A Mound Becomes a Summit. Impact: Mo'ne Davis's historic performance not only shattered gender barriers in sports but also triggered a wave of middle-aged men taking up Little League coaching, armed solely with Google searches and a misguided sense of nostalgia.. Fact: Did you know that Mo'ne once struck out a kid who was trying to impress his girlfriend? Talk about a power move!.
• Headline: As World Boils, Fingers Point Obama’s Way. Impact: Obama's acknowledgment of limits led to a new era of political discourse where everyone suddenly became experts in international relations, leading to countless awkward dinner conversations about geopolitics and the occasional 'I read it on Reddit!' moment.. Fact: Did you know that 'omnipotent' is just a fancy way of saying 'can't even' when faced with world problems?.