AUGUST 5, 2014

Full News Archive

• Headline: Banco Espírito Santo's Fall from Grace. Impact: If only the Espirito Santo family had invested in crypto instead of banking, we might be living in a parallel universe where they became the first family of digital currency and avoided this whole mess. Instead, their legacy is now a cautionary tale: 'Trust funds are so last century.'. Fact: Did you know the Espirito Santo family had more control over the bank than most people have over their own lives? And look how that turned out!.
• Headline: Investigation into Subprime Auto Lending Practices. Impact: This investigation could lead to a world where subprime car loans are replaced with subprime rollercoaster loans. Buckle up, future generations, it's going to be a bumpy ride!. Fact: Did you know that in the U.S., cars have become so essential that some people are willing to sign their life away for one? Forget housing crises; we're talking about auto-crises now!.
• Headline: Lax Quarantine Undercuts Ebola Fight in Africa. Impact: The lax quarantine measures might have led to a time where people refused to wash their hands, believing that germs are just a suggestion. Future generations might be looking back wondering why 'hand sanitizer' became a rare artifact.. Fact: Did you know that Ebola can survive in bodily fluids for several weeks? That's one party guest no one wants showing up uninvited—and definitely not allowed in the punch bowl!.