AUGUST 2, 2014

Full News Archive

• Headline: Red Sox Roster Transformation After Championship. Impact: The mass exodus of players from the Red Sox roster not only changed the dynamics of the team but also led to a sudden spike in unemployment among hotdog vendors at Fenway Park, forcing them to become TikTok stars to make ends meet.. Fact: In case you didn’t know, the Red Sox once traded Babe Ruth, leading to the infamous 'Curse of the Bambino.' Guess they thought he was just a phase..
• Headline: California's Controversial Doctor Drug Testing Proposal. Impact: The debate over drug testing for doctors led to a nationwide trend of testing everyone in positions of responsibility, inadvertently resulting in a global shortage of coffee due to the excessive levels of caffeine found in the system of most office workers.. Fact: Fun fact: Many doctors support drug tests, mainly because they want to ensure that their patients aren't the only ones high on their own supply..
• Headline: Victims of Defective G.M. Ignition Switches Begin Filing Claims. Impact: Claims against G.M. for defective ignition switches eventually brought about stricter regulations on car manufacturing, which led to the rise of smart cars that can now drive themselves—because clearly, humans are not to be trusted behind the wheel.. Fact: Interestingly, the ignition switch debacle was so serious it inspired a new genre of horror films: 'The Car That Could Kill You.' Spoiler alert: it’s not just the driver..
• Headline: Congress Off for the Exits, but Few Cheer. Impact: Congress's recess after a session of inaction not only left crucial issues unresolved but also sparked a trend of lawmakers taking month-long vacations, which led to the rise of the 'I’m on a break' meme. Because who doesn’t love a good vacation?. Fact: Did you know that Congress takes more breaks than a middle schooler during finals week? Talk about a dedicated workforce!.