JULY 8, 2014

Full News Archive

• Headline: Transforming Troubled Golf Courses. Impact: The golf course renovations led to a 200% increase in golf-themed reality shows, causing a massive spike in bad fashion choices and sunburns across the nation. Who knew a simple makeover could lead to a nationwide epidemic of plaid shorts?. Fact: Did you know that golf is the only sport where you can yell 'fore!' at someone and it’s not considered a crime? Now that’s a sport with a sense of humor!.
• Headline: Bulgaria's Struggles: Corruption and Instability. Impact: The political instability in Bulgaria inspired a new trend in art called 'Corruption Art.' Artists began to create masterpieces using shredded banknotes, leading to a global movement that eventually inspired a major motion picture starring Nicolas Cage as a rogue artist. Because why not?. Fact: Did you know that Bulgaria is home to the oldest known gold treasure in the world? Too bad the gold didn’t come with a guide on how to avoid corruption!.
• Headline: U.S. Focus on Commerzbank's Iran Dealings. Impact: The scrutiny of Commerzbank triggered a chain reaction that led to a decade-long investigation into banks worldwide, resulting in a new genre of detective fiction centered around hedge fund managers. Spoiler alert: they’re always guilty.. Fact: Did you know that the word 'bank' comes from the Italian word 'banco,' meaning 'bench'? Perhaps if they’d just stuck to selling benches, we wouldn’t have these financial fiascos!.
• Headline: Immigrant Surge Rooted in Law to Curb Child Trafficking. Impact: The challenges faced by immigrant minors led to the creation of a new superhero franchise, 'The Returnees,' who fight against bureaucracy with the power of paperwork and emotional backstories. Box office hit? Probably not.. Fact: Did you know that child trafficking is a global issue affecting millions? It’s just one of those things that makes you appreciate the simple joys of being a kid, like not having to deal with adult problems. Thanks, bureaucracy!.