MAY 29, 2014

Full News Archive

• Headline: The Soylent Revolution: A Nutritional Discussion. Impact: The Soylent Revolution sparked a culinary rebellion where hipsters began fermenting kale and calling it 'artisanal air'. Fast forward to 2050, and we have a 'Chew Your Emotions' therapy booming worldwide, because who knew eating was tied to feelings? Thanks, Soylent!. Fact: Did you know that Soylent was originally named after a dystopian novel? Because who doesn't want their meals to taste like a cautionary tale?.
• Headline: G.M. Engineer Testifies Amid Controversy. Impact: Raymond DeGiorgio’s testimony ignited a series of events that led to the birth of the ‘Shady Car Dealership’ reality show in 2025, where contestants must navigate the treacherous waters of corporate dishonesty. Spoiler: everyone loses.. Fact: Did you know that suspending an engineer with pay is basically corporate code for 'we're just buying time until the next scandal breaks'?.
• Headline: A Pushback on Green Power. Impact: The pushback on green power led to a massive trend of people installing solar panels just so they could say ‘no thanks’ to traditional energy. Ironically, this created a new subculture of anti-solar hipsters who only use candlelight.. Fact: Did you know that ‘green power’ is a term that only makes people feel guilty if they don't have it? Welcome to eco-shaming 101!.
• Headline: Jimmy Iovine, a Master of Beats, Lends Apple a Skilled Ear. Impact: Iovine’s partnership with Apple resulted in a bizarre timeline where every song came with a complimentary product endorsement, paving the way for the 'music-ad' genre that peaked in 2035 with the hit 'Buy My Shampoo'.. Fact: Did you know that the music industry used to be about talent before it turned into the 'who can sell the most stuff' contest? Thanks, Jimmy!.