MAY 18, 2014

Full News Archive

• Headline: Controversy Surrounds Strauss-Kahn Film Premier. Impact: The controversy surrounding this film led to a significant spike in public interest in scandalous biopics, eventually resulting in a reality show featuring disgraced public figures attempting to redeem themselves via interpretive dance. You're welcome, television.. Fact: Did you know that in France, the word for 'controversy' is 'controverse'? Just kidding, it’s still controversy, but they definitely throw a baguette at you if you mispronounce it..
• Headline: AT&T Acquires DirecTV for $48.5 Billion. Impact: This acquisition sparked a chain reaction where cable companies started merging with pizza chains to offer 'TV and a slice' deals, leading to an epidemic of couch potatoes who didn’t realize they were actually eating their way into a new dimension of laziness.. Fact: Fun fact: AT&T once stood for 'American Telephone and Telegraph'—but now it might as well stand for 'All That Tedium & commercials'..
• Headline: Pfizer's $119 Billion AstraZeneca Offer. Impact: Pfizer's aggressive tactics led to a trend of pharmaceutical companies starting bidding wars over literally anything—soon, they were fighting over who could acquire the rights to the common cold.. Fact: Did you know that $119 billion could buy you about 119 billion cups of overpriced coffee? Or you know, a small island—just saying..
• Headline: Waving His Wand at ‘Beowulf’. Impact: Tolkien's translation of 'Beowulf' not only revived interest in ancient epics but also inadvertently inspired legions of wannabe poets and writers who believed that if they scribbled enough gibberish, they'd be hailed as the next literary genius.. Fact: Interestingly, Tolkien was a philologist. So if you think your vocabulary is impressive, just remember he could probably recite 'Beowulf' in Old English while riding a dragon..
• Headline: North Miami Fights to Keep Its Art Museum. Impact: This conflict catalyzed a national movement to save art museums, leading to the bizarre trend of cities declaring their own museums as 'historic landmarks'—even those that housed just a single painting of a dog playing poker.. Fact: Fun fact: Art museums can increase property values in their vicinity, which is why local artists are now trying to convince the city to turn the local diner into an art installation. Good luck with that!.