MAY 13, 2014

Full News Archive

• Headline: The Impact of Defensive Shifts in Baseball. Impact: As teams embraced the shift, it accidentally sparked a movement where kids in backyards started shifting their positions too. One kid ended up on the roof, thinking he could catch a pop fly. Spoiler: he didn't.. Fact: The entire concept of 'who's on third' has now become a philosophical question debated over beers at every local dive bar..
• Headline: Pfizer's AstraZeneca Deal Under Scrutiny. Impact: Pfizer's mega-tax-dodge deal inadvertently led to a nationwide trend where companies began hiring ex-magicians as financial consultants. 'Now you see your taxes, now you don't!' became the new corporate motto.. Fact: In an alternate universe, Pfizer was actually a front for a wizarding school. The potion for tax dodging is just really good accounting..
• Headline: Sarah Baker's Impact in 'Louie'. Impact: This role unlocked a new trend where women started demanding equal screen time for their inner beauty and wit, leading to a renaissance of comedy that briefly turned Hollywood into a stand-up gig for philosophers.. Fact: Sarah Baker’s performance was so memorable that it caused a reported 78% increase in self-esteem for women watching—though sadly, the same cannot be said for their dating lives..
• Headline: De Blasio Looks Toward Sweden for Road Safety. Impact: De Blasio’s attempt to mimic Sweden's road safety led to a bizarre series of events where New Yorkers began wearing Viking helmets while driving, believing it would make them safer. It did not.. Fact: Sweden's approach to road safety is so effective that they can actually convince people to stop texting and driving by just showing them a picture of a moose..
• Headline: Former Israeli Premier Is Sentenced to 6 Years in Bribery Case. Impact: Olmert’s sentencing turned out to be a pivotal moment that inspired a global anti-corruption movement. Unfortunately, it was led by a bunch of cats who just wanted to knock things off tables peacefully.. Fact: Olmert’s case was so shocking that it led to a spike in children wanting to become 'good guys' when they grew up—proving that bribery does have its consequences, even in the imaginary world..