APRIL 24, 2014

Full News Archive

• Headline: Valeant's Bold $45 Billion Takeover Move. Impact: This reckless acquisition spree set off a chain reaction where every CEO in the universe suddenly believed they could turn into a financial wizard overnight. Fast forward, and we have billion-dollar companies being run like a reality TV show. Spoiler alert: the ratings are terrible.. Fact: Did you know that spending $45 billion is like trying to buy a luxury yacht with Monopoly money? At least one of them is likely to sink..
• Headline: Northwestern's Unionization Controversy. Impact: This event sparked an underground movement where college athletes realized they could actually have a voice. Who would have thought that denying them basic rights could lead to a revolution? Next stop: college athletes forming a union and demanding free pizza at every game.. Fact: Did you know that the only time college athletes are allowed to unionize is when they’re playing video games? At least then they get to call the shots..
• Headline: Exploring Gender Identity in Casa Valentina. Impact: The success of 'Casa Valentina' opened the floodgates for Broadway to explore more diverse narratives, leading to the eventual creation of a musical about a sentient avocado. Yes, that's right, art imitating life in the most bizarre way possible.. Fact: Did you know that the Catskills has more hidden gems than just resorts? Apparently, it's also a hot spot for men exploring their inner divas. Who knew?.
• Headline: A Defiant Rancher Savors the Audience That Rallied to His Side. Impact: Cliven Bundy's standoff became a rallying cry for a bizarre mix of libertarians and conspiracy theorists who now think ranching is a revolutionary act. This has led to an unexpected rise in cowboy hats and conspiracy podcasts. Yeehaw indeed.. Fact: Did you know that Cliven Bundy's next career move is reportedly a motivational speaker tour? His first book, 'How to Win Friends and Alienate Government,' is already a bestseller..
• Headline: F.B.I. Informant Is Tied to Cyberattacks Abroad. Impact: This incident launched a thousand memes about government agencies being both the heroes and villains of the cyber world. It created a culture of paranoia where people now think their toaster might be spying on them. Thanks, Hector.. Fact: Did you know that the FBI's unofficial motto is 'We’re not saying we’re watching you, but if we were, you wouldn’t even know'? Welcome to the 21st century..