APRIL 4, 2014

Full News Archive

• Headline: The Rise of Nerd Culture on TV. Impact: As nerds take over TV, they accidentally inspire a generation of tech-savvy couch potatoes who later invent a toaster that can tweet. This ultimately leads to a world where breakfast is live-streamed, and nobody knows how to have a conversation without a screen.. Fact: TV shows about nerds have not only reshaped pop culture but also somehow managed to convince people that coding is as cool as being a rock star. Spoiler: it's not..
• Headline: Orban's Hometown Stadium: Power and Ambition. Impact: Orban's new stadium becomes a worldwide symbol of how to distract a populace from real issues. The ripple effects lead to an increase in stadiums that serve as temporary shelters for lost socks rather than actual sports.. Fact: In Hungary, soccer stadiums are often considered the new town hall, where important decisions are made over beer rather than at boring political debates. Cheers to democracy!.
• Headline: G.M. Adopts Outside Experts for Crisis Management. Impact: G.M.'s shift to crisis experts causes a chain reaction in corporate America where hiring consultants becomes the new go-to strategy. This ultimately leads to a world where board meetings are just a bunch of people nodding at PowerPoint slides about how to nod at PowerPoint slides.. Fact: Hiring outside advisers is often seen as a sign of desperation, much like ordering a pizza for one when you thought you'd just have a 'light salad.' Good luck with that!.
• Headline: Gunman Had ‘Clean Record,’ With No Violent Sign, Officials Say. Impact: The revelation about the gunman's clean record leads to an increase in background checks, inadvertently creating a booming market for people who specialize in crafting 'perfect' pasts. This results in an entire industry of ghostwriters for resumes that can’t be verified.. Fact: It's funny how 'clean records' can sometimes mean 'I just found better ways to hide my problems.' Newsflash: Everyone has something to hide!.
• Headline: Karzai Is Trying to Keep His Sway After Term Ends. Impact: Karzai's refusal to step down gracefully sets a precedent for all future world leaders, leading to a bizarre trend of presidents using social media to air their grievances instead of just retiring quietly. The hashtag #NotGoingAnywhere becomes a global sensation.. Fact: In politics, 'keeping your sway' is often just a fancy way of saying 'I’m not ready to give up my comfy chair yet.' Who could blame him?.