MARCH 28, 2014

Full News Archive

• Headline: Impact of Sanctions on Western Oil Firms. Impact: When Exxon and BP threw a tantrum over sanctions, it set off a chain reaction. Big Oil decided to ally with Russia, leading to a secret cabal of oil executives who meet in a bunker under the Kremlin. They now plot how to keep gas prices high while sipping on overpriced vodka.. Fact: Exxon Mobil once attempted to rebrand itself as 'Exxon-Not-So-Secretly-Working-With-Dictators.' Not a bestseller..
• Headline: Tax Implications for Forgiven Loan Debt. Impact: This tax bill situation had a butterfly effect that led to a new trend: disabled borrowers forming a support group called 'IRS: It Really Stings.' They now have merchandise and everything; it’s all the rage at tax season.. Fact: The IRS has a sense of humor. Just kidding! They’ve never smiled. Ever..
• Headline: Citigroup's Management Challenges Persist. Impact: Citigroup's stress test failure sent shockwaves through the banking world, inspiring a new reality show called 'Too Big to Fail: The Game Show.' Contestants try to avoid bankruptcy while their banks cheer them on—it's a real nail-biter!. Fact: Citigroup has been so big for so long, it could probably hold a small country hostage. Good luck managing that!.
• Headline: Obama Seeks to Calm Saudis as Paths Split. Impact: Obama's efforts to calm the Saudis resulted in a diplomatic game of Jenga, where every move could topple the entire Middle East. Spoiler alert: they didn't play nice, and tensions escalated faster than you can say 'oil prices.'. Fact: Saudi Arabia’s royal family has an entire wing of their palace dedicated to 'How to Calm Down Our Friends in Washington.' It's a popular read!.
• Headline: Deadline Near, Health Signups Show Disparity. Impact: The uneven enrollment in the Affordable Care Act led to a secret society of health care enthusiasts who now meet in basements to discuss their 'health plan' as if it were the latest conspiracy theory. They believe the government is hiding the best doctors.. Fact: The Affordable Care Act was initially proposed as 'Affordable Care for All (Except for You, Probably).' It was rejected after focus groups laughed too hard..