MARCH 16, 2014

Full News Archive

• Headline: Pilot's Report Raises Serious Questions. Impact: The pilot's silence created a ripple effect of conspiracy theories, leading to a reality show where ex-pilots recount their worst flights under the guise of 'truth-telling'. Spoiler: they're not telling the truth.. Fact: Did you know? In the world of flight, silence can be golden, but it can also lead to endless speculation, like who really ate the last piece of cake in the break room..
• Headline: China's Currency Strength in Flux. Impact: The fluctuations of the renminbi sent shockwaves through the global economy, causing a butterfly effect where investors suddenly became 'experts' in Chinese currency, leading to awkward dinner conversations at parties.. Fact: Did you know? Currency markets are more volatile than a toddler after a sugar rush, and just as unpredictable!.
• Headline: An Engineering Landmark Faces Demolition. Impact: The potential demolition of the Shabolovka radio tower led to a grassroots movement where hipsters worldwide protested, claiming it was 'the defining structure of their lives' – because, of course, a tower represents their existential crises.. Fact: Did you know? The Eiffel Tower was once criticized for being an eyesore too, so perhaps the Shabolovka will just be the next quirky Instagram hotspot if it gets saved..
• Headline: Army General Reaches Deal on Sex Counts. Impact: The case of Brig. Gen. Sinclair brought military sexual assault into the spotlight, leading to a future where every military academy has mandatory 'How Not to Be a Creep' seminars. Progress at last!. Fact: Did you know? The military's approach to sexual assault cases is about as effective as using a chocolate teapot – sweet in theory, but utterly useless in practice..