MARCH 14, 2014

Full News Archive

• Headline: Kissing Trends in Fashion Advertising. Impact: This kiss video sparked a global trend that led to the rise of 'Kiss Influencers', ultimately culminating in disastrous attempts to market non-kissing related products like vacuum cleaners. You can't spell 'disaster' without 'ass'.. Fact: Interestingly, the most popular kissing technique among influencers is known as the 'Instagram Pucker', which has only been proven to confuse dogs and small children..
• Headline: Tragedy Strikes East Harlem Community. Impact: The explosion marked a pivotal moment in gentrification discussions, leading to reimagined urban planning that prioritized 'Instagrammable' spaces over community ties. It’s amazing how many times history repeats itself, isn’t it?. Fact: East Harlem has been a vibrant community for over a century, but apparently modernity means turning historic buildings into overpriced coffee shops and artisanal pickle stands..
• Headline: Swinging at Fighters and Serenading Turtles. Impact: The musical 'Rocky' became a cultural phenomenon, inadvertently inspiring a new breed of musicals based on mediocre films. Thanks to this trend, we now have a Broadway adaptation of 'The Room'.. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing more painful than watching 'Rocky' the musical is listening to the cast try to sing about boxing while wearing spandex..
• Headline: Report Finds Punctuality Trumps Safety at Metro-North. Impact: The Metro-North report triggered an overhaul in train safety protocols, inadvertently causing a nationwide trend where 'punctuality' became the new buzzword in corporate meetings. Because being on time is apparently more important than not derailing.. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'better late than never' is now officially outdated? Now it’s 'better late than a catastrophic derailment'..