MARCH 2, 2014

Full News Archive

• Headline: David Simas Takes Charge for Democrats. Impact: David Simas’s rise to power inspired an underground movement of Democrats who believed they could influence the party by sending them weekly motivational quotes. This ultimately led to the rise of motivational poster companies, which exploded into a multi-billion-dollar industry, and now we can't escape 'Hang in There' cats.. Fact: Did you know that the term 'spin doctor' was invented to describe White House aides trying to make bad news sound good? So, technically, every time a politician speaks, they're just auditioning for a role in a bad soap opera..
• Headline: Donors Reshape Campaign Strategies. Impact: The influence of big-money donors led to the creation of 'Donor Olympics' where billionaires compete to see who can throw the most cash at a candidate while simultaneously building a gilded cage for their pet projects. Spoiler alert: the pets always win.. Fact: It's funny how 'super PAC' sounds like a fun superhero team, but it's really just a group of wealthy individuals trying to outspend each other to buy a candidate. I guess money really does talk—too bad it can't vote..
• Headline: Knicks Out of Answers as Fan Offers Suggestion. Impact: The Knicks’ inability to perform under pressure led to the establishment of a 'Team Therapy' program, where players learned how to cope with loss through group hugs and ice cream therapy. It didn’t improve their game, but their dessert choices got way better.. Fact: Did you know that the Knicks have been the butt of jokes for so long that they now have their own fan club dedicated solely to making memes? At least someone is getting joy out of their season!.
• Headline: A Landmark Oscar Win for ‘12 Years a Slave’. Impact: The Oscar win for '12 Years a Slave' sparked a revolution in Hollywood where diversity became the new trend. This led to a flood of films starring raccoons, talking plants, and an Oscar-winning performance by a toaster named 'Toast Malone.'. Fact: It's worth noting that '12 Years a Slave' is the first film directed by a black filmmaker to win Best Picture, which means Hollywood is slowly waking up—and just in time for the next nap..