FEBRUARY 28, 2014

Full News Archive

• Headline: Monetizing Brooklyn's Unique Culture. Impact: If Brooklyn cool had been a stock, investing in it back then would have turned you into a hipster billionaire by now, funding your artisanal kombucha empire. Who knew that selling 'cool' could be more lucrative than oil?. Fact: Did you know that Brooklyn's image has become so marketable that even the rats have started working on their branding? That's right, they’re now offering guided tours of hipster hotspots!.
• Headline: Community Center Bridging Class Divides. Impact: This community center could have sparked a movement for economic equality that prevented the rise of overpriced avocado toast by making wellness accessible to all. Imagine a world where no one had to pay $15 for a salad!. Fact: Fun fact: The term 'DMZ' in this context actually stands for 'Delicious Mango Zone.' Just kidding, but wouldn't that be a more appetizing name?.
• Headline: Bakken Crude's Surge in Albany. Impact: The Bakken oil boom gave birth to an endless stream of conspiracy theories about oil barons plotting to control the world’s energy supply, leading to an age where 'drill baby drill' became a modern mantra. Who knew railroads would become the new gold rush?. Fact: Did you know that the only thing rolling faster than Bakken crude through Albany is the collective eye-roll of environmentalists everywhere?.
• Headline: SeaWorld Questions Ethics of ‘Blackfish’ Investigator. Impact: SeaWorld's response to 'Blackfish' could have led to a re-evaluation of animal rights and captivity, potentially resulting in a timeline where all marine mammals are now free to roam in the ocean instead of being trapped in aquatic prisons. But hey, who doesn’t love a good show?. Fact: Ironically, SeaWorld's biggest ethical dilemma is deciding whether to keep their whales happy or keep their profits swimming. Spoiler alert: The whales are losing..