FEBRUARY 18, 2014

Full News Archive

• Headline: LED Surveillance at Newark Airport. Impact: If only the lights at Newark Airport had been off, perhaps people would have gone back to using their phones instead of being observed. This might have led to a technological revolution where everyone just mimes their texts, reducing data collection but increasing awkward public displays of communication.. Fact: Did you know that surveillance is just a fancy term for 'we're watching you'? It’s like reality TV, but with fewer plot twists and more awkward encounters at baggage claim..
• Headline: The Rise of Gluten-Free Foods. Impact: The rise of gluten-free diets sent shockwaves through the agricultural world, prompting farmers to grow alternative grains. In a bizarre twist, this led to a resurgence of ancient grains, which then inspired a hipster movement that declared quinoa the true grain of the gods.. Fact: Did you know that gluten is just a protein that some people think is out to get them? It’s like the villain of the food world—always lurking in the bread, waiting to ruin your day..
• Headline: Nobel Winner Advises China's Economic Strategy. Impact: Spence's advice might just have changed China's trajectory. If they had ignored him, they could have ended up in a never-ending loop of state-run enterprises, leading to a dystopian future where everyone is forced to wear matching tracksuits and recite economic slogans.. Fact: Did you know that giving advice to world leaders can be a risky business? It’s like playing Monopoly but with real money and political unrest instead of paper bills..
• Headline: U.S. Scolds Russia as It Weighs Options on Syrian War. Impact: Kerry's scolding might have inadvertently led to a new genre of diplomatic exchanges where nations simply text each other passive-aggressive messages about their behavior instead of engaging in actual dialogue, saving time and paperwork.. Fact: Did you know that diplomatic scolding is just like your mom telling you to clean your room? It doesn’t really change anything, but at least it makes you feel guilty for a while..