FEBRUARY 3, 2014

Full News Archive

• Headline: Advancements in Battery Technology Today. Impact: If only they had invented batteries that could last through the next presidential election cycle, we might have been spared some truly excruciating debates. Instead, we’re stuck with chargers that feel like ancient relics. Thanks, 20th century!. Fact: Did you know that in the 20th century, the most exciting thing about batteries was realizing they were not made of lead? What a glow-up!.
• Headline: IMAX's Legal Battle in China. Impact: This whole 'stolen technology' debacle might just inspire a new genre of spy films where Canadian tech geniuses don faux mustaches and become international super-sleuths. I can already see the sequel: 'Imax: The Great Canadian Heist.'. Fact: Fun fact: the Chinese word for 'imitation' translates to 'we saw it first.' It’s basically their national motto..
• Headline: Erosion of the Middle Class Explained. Impact: As the middle class erodes, we might end up with a world where only the rich can afford to complain about their coffee being too expensive. Cheers to progress!. Fact: Did you know that the original middle class was just a group of people complaining about how they couldn't afford to complain? Talk about a vicious cycle!.
• Headline: Libya’s Cache of Toxic Arms All Destroyed. Impact: The destruction of toxic arms may have saved countless lives, but it also left room for a new trend: chemical-free war. You know, because nothing says 'peace' like a lack of options.. Fact: Did you know that every time a toxic weapon is destroyed, a unicorn gets its wings? Just kidding, but it does reduce the chances of a really bad day for a lot of people..
• Headline: Battles Loom in Many States Over What to Do With Budget Surpluses. Impact: The fight over budget surpluses is like watching toddlers argue over candy: they all want it, but no one knows what to do with it. Spoiler alert: the candy gets eaten before it even reaches the right hands.. Fact: Did you know that budget surpluses are like finding money in your couch cushions? You think it's a windfall until you realize you just have to spend it on bills!.