FEBRUARY 1, 2014

Full News Archive

• Headline: Engagement Rings: Balancing Love and Budget. Impact: If engagement rings had been budgeted better, maybe we wouldn't have a billion-dollar diamond industry that makes people feel bad about their love lives based on carat weight. Thank you, capitalism!. Fact: Did you know that the average engagement ring costs more than some people's first cars? Priorities, right?.
• Headline: Retailers Navigate Teenage Spending Challenges. Impact: Teenagers disappearing from retail stores led to the rise of online shopping, which eventually birthed TikTok. So, really, thanks for that. We needed more dance challenges in our lives.. Fact: Approximately 60% of teenagers prefer spending money on experiences rather than physical goods. So good luck selling them a new pair of shoes!.
• Headline: Concerns Over Marijuana Edibles for Kids. Impact: The rise of marijuana snacks may have inadvertently led to the creation of a whole new generation of snack connoisseurs who can distinguish pot brownies from regular ones. Talk about culinary expertise!. Fact: Marijuana edibles have been around for centuries, but now they’re basically gourmet cuisine. Who knew getting stoned could be so… classy?.
• Headline: Tech Rides Are Focus of Hostility in Bay Area. Impact: The resentment against tech companies could be the first step towards a grassroots movement that eventually leads to the invention of a new social media platform: 'Anti-TechTalk.' Because who doesn't want to complain on the internet?. Fact: San Francisco's tech shuttles have become such a symbol of gentrification that they might as well be labeled as 'Wealthy People Only' buses. Classy!.
• Headline: Paul Allen, the Seahawks’ Man in the Shadows, Shows Them the Light. Impact: Paul Allen's influence on the Seahawks might have inspired other tech moguls to get involved in sports, leading to bizarre tech-sponsored events like the 'Silicon Valley Soccer Showdown.' Because who doesn't want to see engineers play soccer?. Fact: Paul Allen co-founded Microsoft, but apparently, he also had a soft spot for sports. Who knew programming could lead to touchdowns?.